Why Isn’t It Called “Mothers Under Pressure” When the Burden Falls Mostly on Moms?
We talk about “parents under pressure,” but let’s be honest—most of the pressure still falls on moms. In this compelling piece, Utthara breaks down why inclusive language can sometimes obscure real inequities. From invisible labor to the “motherhood penalty,” she unpacks how societal norms, workplace bias, and cultural guilt create a pressure cooker that mothers are expected to smile through. This isn’t about excluding dads. It’s about naming the weight mothers carry—and calling for systems that finally share it.
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"The hardest part of motherhood isn’t holding a crying baby or the sleepless nights; it’s holding the weight of every single responsibility—and doing it with a smile." – Anonymous Mom
In 2014, a Surgeon General Report was released called Parents Under Pressure, highlighting the acute stressors that impact the mental health and well-being of parents and caregivers – and calling it a public health problem that requires an urgent need.
However, it’s interesting that the discourse around these challenges is framed as “parenting under pressure” rather than “mothers under pressure.” This phrasing, while inclusive, can mask the unique and elevated stress that mothers often endure.
Despite the equalizing strides in modern parenting, the pressures of caregiving and household management still disproportionately affect mothers. Research consistently shows that about 80% of mothers report higher levels of stress associated with balancing work, home, and family responsibilities compared to fathers.
In a world where 80% of mothers report feeling overwhelmed by the demands of managing both family and career, it’s hard to overlook who’s really under pressure. A 2019 study in Sex Roles drives this point home: mothers are expected to take on the constant, behind-the-scenes work of organizing, planning, and anticipating everyone’s needs, while fathers can get away with being “helpers” in a system that mostly benefits them. Let’s be real—mothers handle the "mental load" that keeps family life afloat, but they rarely get recognition for it. Calling it "parenting under pressure" ignores the fact that moms do the majority of this unrecognized work.
In fact, many mothers express the deep emotional toll of these expectations. One mother puts it this way:
"I’m always questioning my choices—whether I’ve spent enough time with my kids, or if returning to work makes me a bad mother. The guilt is paralyzing.
It’s no accident that “mom guilt” has become a cultural phenomenon—something we talk about like a rite of passage for mothers. But why don’t we hear about “dad guilt”? Why is it always mothers who are agonizing over whether they’re spending enough time with their kids, whether they should return to work, or whether they’re failing as parents for simply needing a break? A 2018 study in Family Relations points out that mothers are socially expected to sacrifice everything for the family’s sake, while fathers are praised for just showing up.
The idea of a balanced work-life situation for parents is misleading at best. Yes, fathers are stepping up in ways previous generations didn't, but are they facing the same conflicts, expectations, and burnout? Not really. According to Journal of Family Issues (2015), working mothers experience significantly more stress balancing work and family compared to fathers. A survey by McKinsey & Company in 2021 revealed that working mothers spend an average of 3 hours more on unpaid work per day than their male counterparts. This disparity holds true even when both parents are employed full-time, leading to a compounded burden on mothers to manage the home and children while also holding down a job. It’s easy to put a parent-friendly face on the struggle, but at the end of the day, mothers are the ones who are pressured to manage it all. Society applauds fathers for pitching in with childcare while holding mothers responsible for every meal, every activity, every developmental milestone. It’s unfair, and framing it as "parenting" rather than "motherhood under pressure" only keeps the cycle going.
Research from Harvard Business Review (2020) indicated that mothers face a unique form of workplace discrimination, known as the “motherhood penalty.” Mothers are often viewed as less competent and committed to their jobs compared to their childless counterparts or fathers. This bias is linked to societal stereotypes about women’s roles as primary caregivers. In contrast, fathers tend to benefit from the “fatherhood bonus,” where they are perceived as more stable, reliable, and committed employees once they become fathers. This disparity adds to the pressure mothers feel to “prove” themselves at work while fulfilling their roles at home.
Let’s dismantle another outdated idea: that mothers are biologically wired to be better suited for parenting’s demands. Yes, hormonal shifts like heightened oxytocin can deepen the mother-child bond, making moms more attuned to their children’s needs. But biology isn’t destiny. Fathers are perfectly capable of doing just as much. Yet society insists on assigning mothers the emotional labor, using biology as a justification for a one-sided system.
Why “Mothers Under Pressure” Is the Term We Need
Using the term “parenting under pressure” perpetuates the myth that caregiving responsibilities are equally divided. It’s convenient, but it’s not accurate. If we acknowledge the reality of “mothers under pressure,” we confront a system that demands too much from mothers and too little from fathers. This phrasing isn’t about excluding dads; it’s about being honest about who’s actually feeling the strain. It's about creating a society that recognizes the work mothers are doing and challenges fathers—and society as a whole—to rise to the occasion.
Let’s call it what it is: mothers under pressure. This shift in language is a call for accountability—a challenge for families, communities, and workplaces to stop allowing mothers to bear the brunt alone. Let’s start demanding more balance, less judgment, and more empathy. It’s about time we recognize and relieve the pressure that’s unfairly placed on mothers.
